An Eternity Lost
by The Lesbian Gavinners
Summary: It hurts to say goodbye. But then again, Klavier is no stranger to pain. (Klavdar/Klapollo. Oneshot.)


**I like Klavdar. Sue me. Take me to court.**

* * *

Klavier's at a loss for words.

He can't think of a single thing to say. His mind is racing, but he's barely able to do much more than stare. Klavier doesn't think hello will do, not in a situation like this, but he can't think of a better greeting.

But then again, maybe he doesn't need a greeting at all. Klavier guesses that since everything's gone to shit, saying hello nicely can't really matter that much now. The time for politeness is long since gone.

Klavier just needs Daryan's attention.

He just needs to say goodbye.

"Daryan." Klavier says the name like it's a statement, like it's a well-known fact. Simple, almost condescendingly so, and nearly monotone.

Klavier isn't quite sure what he's expecting from the man- considering Daryan, explosive anger, probably. He's always had a temper, one that clashed with Klavier's perfectionism and made their friendship a ticking time bomb. Usually Klavier can't stand it, but now… it isn't like Klavier doesn't deserve it, this time. He _promised_ Daryan that this wouldn't happen, that the trial wouldn't end up like this.

Klavier had turned on him without a second thought.

Daryan looks up, and their eyes meet. At the sight of Klavier, a thin-lipped smile stretches across his face. It's more of a smirk, really, the leering type that makes Klavier feel uncomfortable in his own skin.

Daryan steps forwards with a heavy clunk of his boots on the floor. It's like a drumbeat, or a countdown, echoing noise that's threatening in the most innocuous way.

It's all Klavier can do to stand his ground.

"Hey, princess." Daryan says in his signature drawl, almost like he's bored. "What brings you to my cell? Got bored of your brother?"

Klavier takes a breath to steady himself, a breath that comes out more shaky than he intended. "Nein."

Klavier's struggling to keep the eye contact, to match the intensity in Daryan's eyes. "I'm here for _you_."

"Well, isn't that sweet of you." Daryan quirks an eyebrow, and Klavier swallows. Daryan's furious. The sycophantic comments under a thin guise of sarcasm… Klavier knows it all too well. It's a mask for explosive anger with Daryan, a thinly veiled cover to keep Daryan's temper under wraps. Anyone who knows Daryan would be quivering in their boots now, reading the obvious signs that he is royally _pissed._

Klavier is no different. Everything within him is screaming to _run_ , to get out of here before the inevitable explosion occurs.

It's hard to just keep on standing there, unmoving as Klavier is.

"What's wrong?" Daryan asks, tone dry and mocking. "You're not usually this quiet."

Daryan smiles, and it's all teeth, bared and shining. Klavier braces himself for the inevitable attack. "You certainly had plenty to say earlier, _partner_."

 _Don't call me "partner"._

That makes the trial earlier flash through Klavier's mind, all biting words and aching hearts. The thought is devastating, like Klavier has been punched in the gut. He can't help but feel hopelessly guilty, like his past words are shackles dragging him down. It all digs into his skin, makes his stomach churn.

Klavier swallows, trying to keep his quivering voice steady enough to speak. "Don't."

"Don't what?" Daryan's smile doesn't fade. Even behind bars Daryan is in control, and he knows it. The conversation is his; they're playing by his rules.

"Don't blame me for things outside of my control." Klavier says. "I did my job. You didn't do yours."

Those are Apollo's arguments. Apollo's words in Klavier's mouth, Apollo speaking through Klavier. They're the meager comforts Apollo provided after the trial, insisting that nothing was Klavier's fault. Klavier is innocent, according to Apollo, absentmindedly playing with a case file in his hand. Klavier hasn't done anything wrong.

Despite repeating the words now, Klavier doesn't think they matter. They're not true; Klavier didn't _have_ to do what he did. He's still culpable.

Either way, Klavier knows that nothing he will say will convince Daryan. That nothing _ever_ could. Klavier isn't accomplishing anything more than rattling off all of the excuses he can think of, repeating Apollo's words as though anyone will believe them.

"Oh, yeah," Daryan says, scoffing. "I nearly forgot. You sold me out for your _better_ friend, _the law."_

"Well," Daryan snickers, like he's thought of something funny. "Ask _the law_ to record songs with you at 3am, because I _damn well_ won't."

 _Shut up!_

Klavier's nails dig into his palms. He doesn't _need_ to be reminded that their friendship is over. He _knows_ that he's lost everything, that he's thrown it away with both hands. He's _recognized_ the bitter finality of it all, that he can never go back to those simple days where everything was easy.

Daryan will never be his friend again.

It's exactly like he said.

Klavier clenches his jaw, teeth grinding. " _Obviously_. You broke the law. You're in jail now."

The look Daryan gives him is so downright furious that Klavier flinches.

Now Klavier's done it. Daryan's eyes are burning, glaring in that merciless way that makes Klavier want to shrink. Klavier knows what Daryan's like when he's angry, and he knows that he doesn't want to be anywhere near it. Daryan may be in jail, but there's no one to save Klavier here, nothing between them right now. They're sharing the same room, not one meter away from each other.

Klavier suddenly regrets what he said. He regrets fighting- fighting what, exactly? It's his fault. He's mad at himself, not at Daryan. If anything, Daryan has the right to be mad at _Klavier_.

And he is.

Daryan is _angry._

"Is that what they gave you, in the factory that you're from?" Daryan asks, eyes narrowing. "Pages and pages of legal doctrine, in place of a _heart_?"

He sees Klavier take a breath to answer, and much as it seems differently now, he's still the same Daryan that knows Klavier.

He knows Klavier like the back of his hand. " _Don't_ answer that."

All of a sudden, Klavier can't meet Daryan's eyes. He knows that Daryan is right. Klavier's given up everything they built together, violated that unspoken agreement of trust. Klavier doesn't have a right to be angry: after all, _he's_ the one who ended everything.

Klavier bows his head, shoulders dropping. "Daryan, I- I'm _sorry_."

"Yeah?" Daryan snarls, and his glare is back with a vengeance. "Well, _sorry_ isn't gonna fix anything, is it, Gavin?"

"I-" Klavier looks back up. Suddenly, everything else starts to fade away, and all he can do is try to keep the tears from flooding his eyes.

He feels hopelessly _guilty_ for all of this, for betraying his best friend and then having the _audacity_ to mourn their friendship. This is his fault, after all.

He _promised_ that this wouldn't happen, and yet, here they are. Here Klavier and Daryan are, together for the first time in what feels like an eternity.

Here Klavier and Daryan are, for the last time.

Klavier suddenly launches forwards, colliding with Daryan. He isn't quite sure why he does it. His thoughts only manage to catch up to him afterwards, when his lips are already on Daryans'.

Maybe he owes it. Maybe it's the only thing he can think to do now. Maybe it's all he has left, all he has to give to Daryan.

Klavier doesn't know. All he can think is that the feeling is the same as ever. The musky scent of Daryan's skin, his chapped lips… _nothing_ has changed.

Nothing except for Klavier, that is. Daryan hasn't changed a bit, betrayed by a Klavier who'd changed too much.

Daryan's teeth snag on Klavier's lip, and Klavier's breath catches. Daryan bites down, tugging, and Klavier can't hold back the low whine in his throat. It just feels good in the pull of it, in the desperate _neediness._

Klavier doesn't know when Daryan's fist has clenched in his hair, when it started yanking at the curls. The sensation of being pushed around may not be new, but damn it if it doesn't _feel_ new every time. It stings in the best way, making something in Klavier's heart leap into his throat, racing into overdrive.

"Dar-" Klavier's gasp is cut short; there's another hand at the back of his neck and he's dragged back into another bruising kiss. It's just as rough and angry as the first, too utterly and characteristically _Daryan_ to feel any different.

Klavier's hands jump up to cling onto Daryan's shoulders. He's desperately trying to hold himself upright, holding tightly onto Daryan to keep from falling. Klavier's knees are shaking and his legs are weak, he can't _breathe_. It hurts, but Klavier knows it's what he deserves. It's only fair, when he's destroyed so much.

 _It's not your fault._

Klavier starts. He doesn't know why he's just thought of that. It's Apollo's voice echoing in his head, Apollo's little sigh and Apollo's pained expression. He's sitting on the steps of the courthouse, golden in the dying sunlight all around.

 _No one could blame you,_ he insists. _You didn't do anything wrong._

Suddenly, it's even harder to breathe. Klavier's lungs are burning, screaming for air, and everything suddenly feels _wrong._ He can't stand the feel of Daryan with Apollo in his head, while he's thinking of that tiny, happy smile on Apollo's face.

Apollo, who thinks that none of this is Klavier's fault.

Klavier's skin is crawling. He needs to _breathe,_ to step back, but he can't balance. He's holding on with both hands, just trying to stand, but the _feeling_ is too much, too strong.

It hurts.

It's only when Daryan pauses for a breath that Klavier is finally able to jerk back, gasping for breath of his own.

Klavier's head is spinning. His lungs are burning and he's forced to take greedy gulps of air, trying to steady the blurring world around him.

It's only after this that he's to stand on his own again, dropping his hands from Daryan and looking away. Klavier's trying to put space between them, but he's realized that Daryan's hand hasn't left his hair.

"That's done." Klavier looks up, clenching his jaw. He has it now, the strength he needs to push back. "It's over, Daryan. _We're_ over."

Daryan snorts, winding the hand in Klavier's hair. He fingers the strands, toying with them. "As thought you hadn't made that clear."

"I mean it, this time!" Klavier bats at the hand, trying to step back. It isn't easy, not with Daryan's grip. " _Done._ We. Are. _Done_."

"What, you think you can leave?" Daryan snickers. He doesn't let go. "Like you ever could, any of those times you _said_ you would."

"Ja. I _am_ leaving." Klavier shoots a glare at him, narrowing his eyes. "I can _now_."

As soon as the words leave Klavier's mouth, Daryan's laughing.

Klavier doesn't know why, but Daryan is laughing. It's what convinces him to finally let go of Klavier's hair, leaning back and howling. He shakes in fits of laughter, too caught up in hysterics to be self-conscious.

Klavier steps back, unable to do more than stare. He- he doesn't know what's happening-

Daryan finally gasps for breath, laughter dying down. "I get it now."

Daryan looks up, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "I've been replaced."

"W-n-nein-!" Klavier stutters, eyes wide. He wasn't expecting this. "That- that's not what this is about! Stop changing the subject!"

"I'm not." Daryan's smirk is back. "You think you can leave because you have that little lawyer now. Sleeves."

"That's _not_ what this is!" Klavier balls his fists, trembling. Not Apollo. Daryan can insult Klavier all he wants, Klavier deserves it, but Apollo hasn't done anything wrong. That's the line, and now it's been crossed. Klavier can't _believe_ the _audacity_ of even _suggesting-_ Apollo's more than a replacement for Daryan, _so_ much so.

Klavier glares. "You know what, Daryan?"

Daryan raises an eyebrow in muted interest, so Klavier continues, scalding and quick. "Ja. You've been replaced. With Apollo. Because he's _twice_ the man you will ever be."

Klavier's shaking, fully enraged. He thinks he's done it, that he's finally shut Daryan up.

He certainly wasn't expecting Daryan to snicker again.

Daryan runs a hand through his hair, sneering. "I guess it's no surprise that you're too _stupid_ to get it."

Klavier doesn't even have to ask, because Daryan goes on. "Can't you see it, Klavier? First Kristoph, now me… that kid's isolating you! He's taking _everything_ from you!"

"It's not like that!" Klavier interjects before he can stop himself. He can't help it because damn it, _Apollo's_ not like that! "Gottverdammt, Daryan, say what you like about me, but don't you _dare_ go after Apollo!"

Daryan scowls, grinding his teeth. "You're making a _mistake_."

That catches Klavier off guard.

Apollo?

A… mistake?

Apollo comes to Klavier in flashes. A smile. A furrowed brow, pursed lips and mind racing. A pointed finger, voice ringing out, booming. Folded arms, a knowing smirk and a witty comment.

Klavier thinks of Apollo- _wonderful, hardworking, persistent_ Apollo, the best man he's ever known with an adorable smile to boot. His passion for the truth, brilliant arguments and unshakable faith in his clients…it rings more true for Klavier than anything else ever has. Klavier doesn't even have to think when he's with Apollo, working with him as though they are two halves of a whole.

 _Apollo_ doesn't think any of this is Klavier's fault.

 _You haven't done anything wrong._ He says quietly. _I don't know why you're blaming yourself, Klavier. None of this is your fault._

He's the one Klavier repeats, the author of words Klavier wishes he could believe. Klavier still doesn't know why he tried telling Daryan, why he said any of it. He knew that none of it would convince Daryan, that much was obvious.

Wait. Why _did_ Klavier say it? He must have been trying to convince someone, but Daryan's out of the question, so the only other person in the room is-

Klavier's eyes widen. _Himself._

Klavier was trying to convince himself.

Has… has he done it?

If Apollo can make Klavier _believe_ in his own innocence _…_

 _Apollo._

Maybe Daryan's right. Maybe there really _is_ something more to Klavier's relationship with Apollo- but he's wrong on the other count. This can't be a mistake.

It's the easiest decision Klavier's made in awhile, actually.

"Nein." Klavier says simply. "I'm not making any mistakes. Not anymore, anyways."

 _This isn't your fault, Klavier._

Klavier takes a breath, trying to settle whatever's burning in his gut. "No one _made_ you murder that man, much as _you'd_ like me to believe otherwise."

Daryan narrows his eyes, scowling. "My faults don't make that Sleeves kid good for you."

"I'm glad we agree, then." Klavier snaps his fingers, smirking. "Apollo has merit on his own, ja? Merit that has nothing to do with your _considerable_ faults."

"Don't twist my words," Daryan begins, but Klavier doesn't care what he has to say.

"I only came to say goodbye, Daryan." Klavier interrupts, turning towards the door. "I'm finished. I'm leaving now."

 _This isn't Klavier's fault._

Daryan laughs again.

"And where the hell would you even go?" He leans back comfortably, smirking as he watches Klavier make his way to the door.

Looks like Daryan still thinks he's got the upper hand.

Cute.

Klavier looks back for the last time. "Places where you can't follow me, Daryan."

* * *

 **ok I was kidding earlier. Mostly.**

 **I wanted to practice writing Daryan for a thing I'm thinking about doing. I always feel like I portray him too positively? But idk, this feels a little far in the other direction. I need to get a handle on this.**

 **Also, thank you to truitt for editing! He has a Klapollo story of his own now, go check it out.**

 **I should be back to the usual soon, but I do have two other oneshots in the works. I might write a chapter 2 to this, but it'd probably just be Klavier and Apollo making out or something. Idk. Debate camp is hell. I'm tired.**


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